Why her 2nd Birthday is harder

My baby is now two!
I say my baby because she will always be my baby
I remember the moment I found out I was pregnant as I jumped around in the bathroom by myself as I wanted to be more than sure before telling Lester.

I remember that feeling of hearing her heartbeat for the first time and seeing her on the screen. I remember calling her my sweet pea.

So many prayers came true the moment I held her in my hands and I'm so blessed to be her mom, and I mean really blessed.
But, I have to be honest, I cried every day on her birth week. Every.single.day.

Most of the time happy tears but other, many others, were really sad tears.
Tears that wished I could have my little 6.5 lbs baby back.
I know it sounds horrible and ungrateful, but it's truly how I felt and feel sometimes.

I'm terrified of the moment I'll want to kiss her in public and she'll be embarrassed and I know it will happen because I was once there with my own mom.

Just last week I asked her if she wanted me to carry her and she responded with "hand mama".

Don't get me wrong I completely understand that she has to grow up and I enjoy our conversations, her little saying and how she mimics everything we say and do but it's so bittersweet.

The selfish person in me want to hold her forever, keep her little and avoid at all cost anything and everyone that can hurt her, but the mom in me can't wait to see her grow up, enjoy life and see her develop in life.

And that's why two has been harder than one. When she was turned one we were still breastfeeding, she was walking already but preferred to be carried, she still fit perfectly on my hip and chest. Now she is longer, heavier and oh so much bigger.

I now have a full force toddler with personality and a whole lot of attitude.

Now she tells me what she wants and doesn't want. Now she just wants to grow up. She just wants to be like us and my heart rejoices as I see my little girl learn, and want to achieve so much. She is the smartest little girl I know and as much I wish I could keep her little I'm in love and cant wait to see who she will be one day! All that she will accomplish and all the work God will do in her life.